"And if you're still within the sound of my voice, watching this video,
I just want you to know that it always made me rejoice,
Just to have you so near, there's a place for you here,
If you're still within the sound of my voice."
-- Linda Ronstadt, Still Within the Sound of my Voice
Video documentation, ZOMG!
I wanted to show the progress that I've made on my voice over the last year, and the only way to really do that is to record it, so voilà! Just a heads up, I switch in to my old voice-- or at least, as close as I can get to my old voice-- which may look/sound a little weird. ;)
Something else that really helped in figuring out my new voice is the fact that I've always done a lot of impressions. It took me about three months of reading and watching videos about the human voice to get the basics of it down, but about seven or eight months before I stopped having to think about my voice every time I spoke. I also took a vocal feminization class, which ended up not helping me in the slightest. These days, the new voice is habit; it's the way I talk when I wake up, and it's the voice my internal monologue uses. =)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Surgical Decisions and Scheduling
"I'm so much closer than,
I have ever known.
Wake up!
Better thank your lu-cky stars."
-- Green Day, Waiting
I've decided on a surgeon, and scheduled my SRS! =D
After my last post debating the pros and cons of various surgeons, I couldn't get surgery off my brain. The more I mulled it over, the more I liked the idea of Dr. Bowers' "one stage" procedure, but I still had concerns. I realized that the main reason I like Dr Meltzer is not just because he's good at what he does, but because I know he's good.
I've read tons of accounts from satisfied trans women who've had their surgeries performed by Meltzer; I've seen quite a few images of the great results he can provide; I've even read a step-by-step walk through of his procedure, complete with graphic images detailing every part of the surgery. So, I resolved to find just as much information on Bowers.
This last weekend, I read countless threads on around eight or nine different trans forums, I found newer pictures of surgeries Dr. Bowers had performed, and I even managed to find a video of her performing a MtF reassignment surgery. While everything I learned swayed me more and more towards Dr. Bowers, it was the video that did me in; the woman is a freaking artist. If you'd like to see it, I'll warn you that it's very graphic (NSFW), and not for the faint of heart, but you can find it here.
Yes, the video is scary, but I also find it fascinating; I love information. What amazes me the most from watching the video is how simple she makes the procedure look. Though I'm no expert, coming from what I do know, her procedure seems very straightforward and smooth. It also filled in some gaps in my knowledge of how she operates, and reassured me that her "one stage" technique is only subtly different from the standard. It's enough to make an aesthetic difference, without adding any extra healing burden.
On Monday morning, I called her office, and her staff informed me that I needed to fill out an application found on the website. I emailed the app back to them this morning, with a note asking to call me to arrange payment by phone for the $500 deposit. I was anxious, but I tried to continue my day, figuring it would take at least a day or two for them to call me back. Nope! Within an hour of sending the email, my phone rang, and a helpful woman named Robin worked out the deposit and scheduling with me.
My reserved surgery date is February 12th, 2012, but I'm on a cancellation list for November/December of 2011. She told me that they often have cancellations, and that they should be able to get me in this year. While November would be ideal, I can live with February if I have to, so either way, I'm set.
On a related note, thank you tons and tons to those who have donated to my surgery fund! Even a couple of dollars here and there adds up, and helps a lot! <3
I still have a bunch to do, including getting two letters of recommendation for surgery, having some electrolysis done, and working out the time off I'll need from work. I don't know if I can contain my anxiousness for nine months to a year, but I'm sure it will fly by faster than I can imagine. =)
I have ever known.
Wake up!
Better thank your lu-cky stars."
-- Green Day, Waiting
I've decided on a surgeon, and scheduled my SRS! =D
After my last post debating the pros and cons of various surgeons, I couldn't get surgery off my brain. The more I mulled it over, the more I liked the idea of Dr. Bowers' "one stage" procedure, but I still had concerns. I realized that the main reason I like Dr Meltzer is not just because he's good at what he does, but because I know he's good.
I've read tons of accounts from satisfied trans women who've had their surgeries performed by Meltzer; I've seen quite a few images of the great results he can provide; I've even read a step-by-step walk through of his procedure, complete with graphic images detailing every part of the surgery. So, I resolved to find just as much information on Bowers.
This last weekend, I read countless threads on around eight or nine different trans forums, I found newer pictures of surgeries Dr. Bowers had performed, and I even managed to find a video of her performing a MtF reassignment surgery. While everything I learned swayed me more and more towards Dr. Bowers, it was the video that did me in; the woman is a freaking artist. If you'd like to see it, I'll warn you that it's very graphic (NSFW), and not for the faint of heart, but you can find it here.
Yes, the video is scary, but I also find it fascinating; I love information. What amazes me the most from watching the video is how simple she makes the procedure look. Though I'm no expert, coming from what I do know, her procedure seems very straightforward and smooth. It also filled in some gaps in my knowledge of how she operates, and reassured me that her "one stage" technique is only subtly different from the standard. It's enough to make an aesthetic difference, without adding any extra healing burden.
On Monday morning, I called her office, and her staff informed me that I needed to fill out an application found on the website. I emailed the app back to them this morning, with a note asking to call me to arrange payment by phone for the $500 deposit. I was anxious, but I tried to continue my day, figuring it would take at least a day or two for them to call me back. Nope! Within an hour of sending the email, my phone rang, and a helpful woman named Robin worked out the deposit and scheduling with me.
My reserved surgery date is February 12th, 2012, but I'm on a cancellation list for November/December of 2011. She told me that they often have cancellations, and that they should be able to get me in this year. While November would be ideal, I can live with February if I have to, so either way, I'm set.
On a related note, thank you tons and tons to those who have donated to my surgery fund! Even a couple of dollars here and there adds up, and helps a lot! <3
I still have a bunch to do, including getting two letters of recommendation for surgery, having some electrolysis done, and working out the time off I'll need from work. I don't know if I can contain my anxiousness for nine months to a year, but I'm sure it will fly by faster than I can imagine. =)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Holidays, and Planning for Surgery
"Did you ever have to make up your mind,
Pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind;
Did you ever have to make up your mind?"
-- Lovin' Spoonful, Did You Ever Have to Make up Your Mind
Whooh! It's been a while. Shall we catch up? =D
The holidays came and went, and Erin and I kept Christmas small in order to save money for other things. I saw family, many of whom I only see at Christmas, and some of whom hadn't seen the new me yet. Quite a few people gave me that soul penetrating curious stare, as if reconciling it all in their heads just requires looking at and through me for a while. I can't say it really bugs me; it never feels malicious, just weird. =)
Quite a few other family members complemented me on my looks, including my mom, stepdad, aunts, and a few cousins. As someone with chronic self-esteem issues, I treasure every piece of unsolicited praise I get. More importantly, I think most of them have had time to adjust, and those that have just act normally now, which is nice.
So far this year has been pretty uneventful, except that I've been thinking about surgery lately. A lot. It feels like the concept is always looming over me, waiting to consume my thoughts whenever I have a free moment. As I wrote here, I plan to have the surgery eventually, it's just a matter of when. I know that I wouldn't have been ready six months ago, but each day that the thought has been left to marinate, I've become a little less afraid, and a little more anxious to just get it over with.
Marriage put even more urgency on it; I feel guilty for holding back our lives with this huge financial burden. Erin has said many times that she doesn't mind helping with this, but I know that the sooner it's done, the sooner we can start working towards other goals.
It's the money that complicates the timing the most at this point. I'm thinking (hoping?) that around November 2011 would be a good time in many ways. It's far enough out that I can hopefully book it, and can hopefully have the funds ready, but close enough to satisfy my wanting to have it done with already. Thanks to a court ruling almost exactly a year ago, SRS is considered a tax deductible medical expense, making the end-of-year timing even more beneficial. Of course, if I want to schedule it for then, I need to figure out if we'll have the money and who will be performing my surgery soon.
One good thing about insurance not covering surgery is that I'm free to choose any surgeon I can pay for, but deciding on a surgeon for something so life-altering is extremely difficult. Researching surgeons is frustrating at best. The internets have provided a lot more information than might have been had 20 years ago, but not nearly as much as you might think.
The major surgeons have websites with pages of text on things like aftercare, but never much detail on their technique. They'll post pictures of their best patient results, but these aren't always informative as a sampling, especially when they haven't posted new results since 2004. Talking to other trans women helps, but each person obviously only gets one reassignment surgery from one surgeon, so it's nearly impossible to compare things like sensation. It's also (understandably) a very private thing for many people, so it's tough to find a large enough sampling to feel like I really know a surgeon's work and range of outcomes.
My main concerns are good sensation, good aesthetics, and no complications. Since I'm big on informed decisions, I've only been considering the surgeons I can find the most information on. This also has a side effect of leaving me with the popular surgeons, who also have the most experience. So far, I've been focusing a handful of them: Toby Meltzer, Pierre Brassard, Suporn Watanyusakul, and Marci Bowers. These are all excellent surgeons, and I've seen pictures of good results from all of them. With the exception of Dr Suporn, they also use the same basic penile inversion technique, though everyone has their own subtle variations.
Dr Suporn works out of Thailand (Chon Buri), where more reassignment surgeries are performed each year than in any other country. As far as I can tell, his fee is around 500,000 Baht, which is about $16,000 US, but I would also have to pay for travel. His technique is well known for providing greater vaginal depth, which is something many trans women are concerned about. This seems to be a holdover from a time when the standard techniques didn't provide enough depth to have intercourse. Being a lesbian, depth is not really a priority for me. ;)
Traveling also comes with its own set of complications. If I went out of country, I'd likely stay there for about a month to recover. I would want Erin to come with, but bringing her would increase travel costs, and there's no way we can both take a month off of work. She could come home early, but she's scared of traveling alone (and I don't blame her). I've also spent a month in another country without her before, twice, and we both hated being apart for that long.
Dr Brassard works out of Montreal, Quebec, which would come with some of the same travel issues. From what I can find, his cost is around $18,000. I haven't done much in-depth research on him, mainly due to being put off by the travel concerns. Based on what I've seen, he uses more of the urethral mucosa than most, and I don't think I like what this does to the look of the final result.
Dr Bowers used to be in Trinidad, CO, but recently moved, and now works out of San Mateo, CA, about an 11 hour drive from SLC. I called her office for her cost, and it's about $22,500. Marci is a trans woman herself, and learned her technique from Dr Stanley Biber, though she has made many of her own modifications and improvements since taking over his practice when Biber retired in 2003.
While many surgeons recommend a "second stage" outpatient procedure called a labiaplasty at least three months after the initial surgery, mainly for cosmetic improvements, Marci is often touted as performing a "one stage" procedure. Labiaplasties cost around $4,000-$5,000 dollars, plus another trip to the surgeon, and more healing, so that's quite a savings, but some people still opt for a labiaplasty after SRS with Marci, and some people opt not to get one after SRS with "two stage" surgeons, so I don't know how much weight to put in this.
Dr Meltzer works out of Scottsdale, part of Phoenix, AZ, which is also about 11 hours from SLC. I emailed his office, and they quoted his current cost at about $25,000. Of all the result pics I've seen, his outcomes seem the most consistent and "clean", but I especially like the aesthetics of his results after the "second stage" labiaplasty. Though the labiaplasty could be performed any time down the road, this would obviously put my total cost much higher.
Overall I'm thinking it's between Meltzer or Bowers. Yes, they're the most expensive, but for good reason, and they're both close. Here's where I need your help.
If you're trans, do you have an opinion on any of these surgeons? If so, please tell me why you feel the way you do, good or bad. Also, does anyone have any other surgeons I should be considering? I've also briefly looked in to McGinn, Alter, and Reed.
And finally, I've got around $12,000 saved, and we should be able to save most of the rest by the end of the year, but every bit added will help us feel safer, less anxious, and more confident. I've set up a donation button on the right side of my profile, where people can send money to my cause. I personally hate asking for money, so please know that it is with a very humble heart that I ask for donations. This is a daunting cost for a newlywed couple; while I secretly hope donations can help us fill in the unknown gap, we will figure this out one way or another. If you donate anything at all, feel free to brag about it... or leave it anonymous if that's more your style.
Thank you, and I love you. <3
Pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind;
Did you ever have to make up your mind?"
-- Lovin' Spoonful, Did You Ever Have to Make up Your Mind
Whooh! It's been a while. Shall we catch up? =D
The holidays came and went, and Erin and I kept Christmas small in order to save money for other things. I saw family, many of whom I only see at Christmas, and some of whom hadn't seen the new me yet. Quite a few people gave me that soul penetrating curious stare, as if reconciling it all in their heads just requires looking at and through me for a while. I can't say it really bugs me; it never feels malicious, just weird. =)
Quite a few other family members complemented me on my looks, including my mom, stepdad, aunts, and a few cousins. As someone with chronic self-esteem issues, I treasure every piece of unsolicited praise I get. More importantly, I think most of them have had time to adjust, and those that have just act normally now, which is nice.
So far this year has been pretty uneventful, except that I've been thinking about surgery lately. A lot. It feels like the concept is always looming over me, waiting to consume my thoughts whenever I have a free moment. As I wrote here, I plan to have the surgery eventually, it's just a matter of when. I know that I wouldn't have been ready six months ago, but each day that the thought has been left to marinate, I've become a little less afraid, and a little more anxious to just get it over with.
Marriage put even more urgency on it; I feel guilty for holding back our lives with this huge financial burden. Erin has said many times that she doesn't mind helping with this, but I know that the sooner it's done, the sooner we can start working towards other goals.
It's the money that complicates the timing the most at this point. I'm thinking (hoping?) that around November 2011 would be a good time in many ways. It's far enough out that I can hopefully book it, and can hopefully have the funds ready, but close enough to satisfy my wanting to have it done with already. Thanks to a court ruling almost exactly a year ago, SRS is considered a tax deductible medical expense, making the end-of-year timing even more beneficial. Of course, if I want to schedule it for then, I need to figure out if we'll have the money and who will be performing my surgery soon.
One good thing about insurance not covering surgery is that I'm free to choose any surgeon I can pay for, but deciding on a surgeon for something so life-altering is extremely difficult. Researching surgeons is frustrating at best. The internets have provided a lot more information than might have been had 20 years ago, but not nearly as much as you might think.
The major surgeons have websites with pages of text on things like aftercare, but never much detail on their technique. They'll post pictures of their best patient results, but these aren't always informative as a sampling, especially when they haven't posted new results since 2004. Talking to other trans women helps, but each person obviously only gets one reassignment surgery from one surgeon, so it's nearly impossible to compare things like sensation. It's also (understandably) a very private thing for many people, so it's tough to find a large enough sampling to feel like I really know a surgeon's work and range of outcomes.
My main concerns are good sensation, good aesthetics, and no complications. Since I'm big on informed decisions, I've only been considering the surgeons I can find the most information on. This also has a side effect of leaving me with the popular surgeons, who also have the most experience. So far, I've been focusing a handful of them: Toby Meltzer, Pierre Brassard, Suporn Watanyusakul, and Marci Bowers. These are all excellent surgeons, and I've seen pictures of good results from all of them. With the exception of Dr Suporn, they also use the same basic penile inversion technique, though everyone has their own subtle variations.
Dr Suporn works out of Thailand (Chon Buri), where more reassignment surgeries are performed each year than in any other country. As far as I can tell, his fee is around 500,000 Baht, which is about $16,000 US, but I would also have to pay for travel. His technique is well known for providing greater vaginal depth, which is something many trans women are concerned about. This seems to be a holdover from a time when the standard techniques didn't provide enough depth to have intercourse. Being a lesbian, depth is not really a priority for me. ;)
Traveling also comes with its own set of complications. If I went out of country, I'd likely stay there for about a month to recover. I would want Erin to come with, but bringing her would increase travel costs, and there's no way we can both take a month off of work. She could come home early, but she's scared of traveling alone (and I don't blame her). I've also spent a month in another country without her before, twice, and we both hated being apart for that long.
Dr Brassard works out of Montreal, Quebec, which would come with some of the same travel issues. From what I can find, his cost is around $18,000. I haven't done much in-depth research on him, mainly due to being put off by the travel concerns. Based on what I've seen, he uses more of the urethral mucosa than most, and I don't think I like what this does to the look of the final result.
Dr Bowers used to be in Trinidad, CO, but recently moved, and now works out of San Mateo, CA, about an 11 hour drive from SLC. I called her office for her cost, and it's about $22,500. Marci is a trans woman herself, and learned her technique from Dr Stanley Biber, though she has made many of her own modifications and improvements since taking over his practice when Biber retired in 2003.
While many surgeons recommend a "second stage" outpatient procedure called a labiaplasty at least three months after the initial surgery, mainly for cosmetic improvements, Marci is often touted as performing a "one stage" procedure. Labiaplasties cost around $4,000-$5,000 dollars, plus another trip to the surgeon, and more healing, so that's quite a savings, but some people still opt for a labiaplasty after SRS with Marci, and some people opt not to get one after SRS with "two stage" surgeons, so I don't know how much weight to put in this.
Dr Meltzer works out of Scottsdale, part of Phoenix, AZ, which is also about 11 hours from SLC. I emailed his office, and they quoted his current cost at about $25,000. Of all the result pics I've seen, his outcomes seem the most consistent and "clean", but I especially like the aesthetics of his results after the "second stage" labiaplasty. Though the labiaplasty could be performed any time down the road, this would obviously put my total cost much higher.
Overall I'm thinking it's between Meltzer or Bowers. Yes, they're the most expensive, but for good reason, and they're both close. Here's where I need your help.
If you're trans, do you have an opinion on any of these surgeons? If so, please tell me why you feel the way you do, good or bad. Also, does anyone have any other surgeons I should be considering? I've also briefly looked in to McGinn, Alter, and Reed.
And finally, I've got around $12,000 saved, and we should be able to save most of the rest by the end of the year, but every bit added will help us feel safer, less anxious, and more confident. I've set up a donation button on the right side of my profile, where people can send money to my cause. I personally hate asking for money, so please know that it is with a very humble heart that I ask for donations. This is a daunting cost for a newlywed couple; while I secretly hope donations can help us fill in the unknown gap, we will figure this out one way or another. If you donate anything at all, feel free to brag about it... or leave it anonymous if that's more your style.
Thank you, and I love you. <3
Thursday, November 4, 2010
New Doc, New Meds, New Prescription Madness
"You kn-kn-know what I want!
Gimme more. Gimme more.
Pretty please, a prescription!"
-- Mindless Self Indulgence, Prescription
I usually avoid talking very specifically about my body, but this is pretty limiting in a transition blog. Physical changes are a huge part of my transition, and if any place should be safe to talk about them, it should be here... I just worry that I'll make other people uncomfortable. Since I've really got to stop worrying so much about other people, I'm just gonna give you a heads up: I will talk about my boobs. There, I've said it. Whether you know me or not, if you think you might be uncomfortable with me talking about anatomy, nobody will blame you for ducking out. =P
Gimme more. Gimme more.
Pretty please, a prescription!"
-- Mindless Self Indulgence, Prescription
I usually avoid talking very specifically about my body, but this is pretty limiting in a transition blog. Physical changes are a huge part of my transition, and if any place should be safe to talk about them, it should be here... I just worry that I'll make other people uncomfortable. Since I've really got to stop worrying so much about other people, I'm just gonna give you a heads up: I will talk about my boobs. There, I've said it. Whether you know me or not, if you think you might be uncomfortable with me talking about anatomy, nobody will blame you for ducking out. =P
My first endocrinologist sucked, so about four months ago, a month before my hormone prescription ran out, I decided to look for a new doc. I had three goals in mind: find someone who cares, is in my insurance, and prescribes *progesterone. I got a big list of endos and ratings of said endos from various trans friends, then narrowed it down by insurance, and started making calls. The only one within my plan that was taking new patients however, was only accepting referrals from a primary care physician. The good news was that there was a PCP in the same office that works closely with the endo. The bad news? The physician was booked about a month out, and the endo three months. =/
*(Progesterone is a primarily female hormone often prescribed as part of both post-menopausal and transsexual hormone replacement, but many docs are afraid of it, because some synthetics have been known for nasty side-effects, and its full effects on development aren't well known. Progesterone is key in breast development, among other things, but there is still a lot of disagreement as to how much is gained, and which meds, if any, benefit trans-women the most. Part of the problem is that most of the data comes from post-menopausal women, and broad testing with trans-women is virtually non-existent.)
Since I wouldn't see the new endo for a while, I called my old doc to ask for an extension on my prescription, and she told me that she would grant it, but never followed up. Fortunately, my appointment with the new PCP was just a few days after my prescription expired.
The new physician was awesome! She listened, she answered, she genuinely cared. I know, weird, right? She even chatted with me excitedly about my (then) upcoming wedding, and gave me a three month extension to last until I could see the endo. About a month later, when I went through my legal name/gender change, she was also nice enough to write up a letter of recommendation for me to present to the judge.
When I finally saw my new endocrinologist, she was just as cool. She was extremely enthusiastic in getting to know me and explaining things to me in detail. Before I could even bring up the progesterone, she asked, "How's your breast growth?" I explained that I'd had some growth spurts in the beginning, but nothing much since then, and she immediately followed up with "We should get you on progesterone!" =D
Of course, there's always a hitch. To save myself from having to go in at different times for different prescriptions, I waited for my other two to run out before filling the progesterone. When I did, the pharmacy informed me that I could now get three months of the spironolactone and estradiol, but that my insurance would only let me get one month to start on the progesterone. That seemed reasonable, but when I got home, I realized that they only gave me half my normal dose of spiro. It turned out that the new endo had accidentally prescribed it wrong. =/
Unlike with my old endo though, I was actually able to get a hold of one of the new doctor's staff, and they immediately sent a correction. The pharmacy then told me that I should just take the spiro at the correct dosage, and that they'd get it corrected at the 45-day marker when my supply is gone.
Last night, I called in a refill on the progesterone, but when I picked it up, they said they only had enough for 5 days, and that they'll call me in the next few days when the rest is available. I also asked them about the spiro, and they told me that they'll probably just refill for three more months when I run out.
So now, even though I'm getting meds for three months at a time, I had to go in yesterday for the progesterone, I'll have to go back in a few days for more progesterone, then back in two weeks for the spiro, again 45 days later for the estradiol, and repeat. Despite my efforts, my three prescriptions will never be on the same schedule again. *sigh*
Anywho, I've now been on progesterone for one month, and I've definitely noticed a few effects. Like with my first hormone post, I'll just present the evidence, and let you decide what's unrelated/psychosomatic and what's not. =P
- My breasts have been tender and itchy almost constantly for the last month, which indicates growth to me. This is basically what it felt like off-and-on when I first started hormones. Their shape has also rounded out a bit, and they look more natural.
- I've noticed some skin changes, and the weirdest thing, the tattoo on my back sometimes "raises", and I can feel bumps where the lines are; when this happens, it's also itchy.
- My skin is a little more oily, and I've gotten a few more zits than usual.
- My anxiety is back, which is odd, because progesterone is supposed to be calming. Of course, this could easily be due to a lot of other things going on, too. =P
I really haven't experienced any extreme side effects so far; the acne is a little annoying, but hopefully that will fade after a few months, as it did when I first started on hormones. Otherwise, med-related things are going pretty hunky-dory, and still far better than when I had to deal with my old endo. =)
Friday, October 1, 2010
Legal Name and Gender Change
"I don't need to prove myself;
I just need to be myself.
It doesn't show what I'm trying to be;
It just shows who I am."
-- Anthrax, Packaged Rebellion
Old news to most people, but I changed my legal name and gender marker! W00T!
The initial process involved $350, a lot of forms, letters from my therapist and doctor, two court hearings, and visits to Vital Records, the Social Security offices, and the Driver's License division, but it has definitely been worth it. My awesome new legal name is Vivienne, and I've spent the last couple of weeks calling and/or visiting various institutions to get them to update it.
For some businesses, this is super easy. For example my gas and power companies simply verified some information over the phone, then made the change.
For other businesses, it's like pulling teeth. First off, many businesses assume a "name change" for a female-sounding person automatically means I've only changed my last name, due to a marriage. I have to get used to saying "I've changed my full legal name, first and last", and even that doesn't always do the trick. They start acting like it's a very strange and suspicious request, and sometimes bombard me with questions about why I changed it. Normally I'm such an open person that this wouldn't be a problem, but when they're such assholes about it, I get defensive as a matter of principle (and to be honest, it's none of their business).
Yesterday, I called my health insurance company. They're one of the last major businesses I have to call, because I wanted to make sure it was updated with my work first. After asking me to verify the information on the account I've had with them for a couple of years now, I had this fun conversation:
Rep: "How can I help you?"
Me: "My name has changed, and I need to make sure that's updated in your system."
"Ok, and is this Davin?"
"Well, that's not my name anymore."
"Ok, who am I speaking with then?"
"I'm the same person, I'm just not called 'Davin'."
"Oh... Can I put you on hold?"
*irritating hold music for a minute or two*
"Ok, Davin?"
URGH!
"Are you there? I've got Eileen from somethingsomething services on the line."
Eileen: "What can we do for you?"
"Well, my name is no longer Davin."
"Ok, what is your name?"
"Vivienne (my last name)."
"...Ok, I'm confused... is Davin your husband?"
"No. My name has changed from Davin to Vivienne."
"Ok, so you're the policy holder?"
"Yes."
"Ok, and you're new to eBay?"
"No, I've been with them for a few years."
"Ok... so you're just getting insurance for the first time?"
"Nope. I've been with you for a few years, too." (Aren't you looking at my account?!)
In the end, I had to call eBay HR to have them to push the info over. Fortunately the HR rep was much more reasonable and understanding, or I probably would've had an aneurysm. =P
I'm sure I'll be finding the old name in unexpected places for years, but in the mean time, it's great not having to worry about people giving me weird looks or claiming I'm not me when they check my ID. It's also really comforting to be called "Ms/Mrs" by strangers over the phone. I still sign the old name out of habit at least once a day, but I'm slowly getting used to it. =)
At this point, I've got a new birth certificate, social security card, driver's license, work badge, and bank card.
Now I just have to figure out the most painless way to convince people that Erin and I really are two females legally married in the state of Utah. ><
I just need to be myself.
It doesn't show what I'm trying to be;
It just shows who I am."
-- Anthrax, Packaged Rebellion
Old news to most people, but I changed my legal name and gender marker! W00T!
The initial process involved $350, a lot of forms, letters from my therapist and doctor, two court hearings, and visits to Vital Records, the Social Security offices, and the Driver's License division, but it has definitely been worth it. My awesome new legal name is Vivienne, and I've spent the last couple of weeks calling and/or visiting various institutions to get them to update it.
For some businesses, this is super easy. For example my gas and power companies simply verified some information over the phone, then made the change.
For other businesses, it's like pulling teeth. First off, many businesses assume a "name change" for a female-sounding person automatically means I've only changed my last name, due to a marriage. I have to get used to saying "I've changed my full legal name, first and last", and even that doesn't always do the trick. They start acting like it's a very strange and suspicious request, and sometimes bombard me with questions about why I changed it. Normally I'm such an open person that this wouldn't be a problem, but when they're such assholes about it, I get defensive as a matter of principle (and to be honest, it's none of their business).
Yesterday, I called my health insurance company. They're one of the last major businesses I have to call, because I wanted to make sure it was updated with my work first. After asking me to verify the information on the account I've had with them for a couple of years now, I had this fun conversation:
Rep: "How can I help you?"
Me: "My name has changed, and I need to make sure that's updated in your system."
"Ok, and is this Davin?"
"Well, that's not my name anymore."
"Ok, who am I speaking with then?"
"I'm the same person, I'm just not called 'Davin'."
"Oh... Can I put you on hold?"
*irritating hold music for a minute or two*
"Ok, Davin?"
URGH!
"Are you there? I've got Eileen from somethingsomething services on the line."
Eileen: "What can we do for you?"
"Well, my name is no longer Davin."
"Ok, what is your name?"
"Vivienne (my last name)."
"...Ok, I'm confused... is Davin your husband?"
"No. My name has changed from Davin to Vivienne."
"Ok, so you're the policy holder?"
"Yes."
"Ok, and you're new to eBay?"
"No, I've been with them for a few years."
"Ok... so you're just getting insurance for the first time?"
"Nope. I've been with you for a few years, too." (Aren't you looking at my account?!)
In the end, I had to call eBay HR to have them to push the info over. Fortunately the HR rep was much more reasonable and understanding, or I probably would've had an aneurysm. =P
I'm sure I'll be finding the old name in unexpected places for years, but in the mean time, it's great not having to worry about people giving me weird looks or claiming I'm not me when they check my ID. It's also really comforting to be called "Ms/Mrs" by strangers over the phone. I still sign the old name out of habit at least once a day, but I'm slowly getting used to it. =)
At this point, I've got a new birth certificate, social security card, driver's license, work badge, and bank card.
Shiny new birth certificate
And driver's license
Now I just have to figure out the most painless way to convince people that Erin and I really are two females legally married in the state of Utah. ><
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wedding Day! Part 2
"Me and you, and you and me,
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be,
The only one for me is you, and you for me,
So happy together."
-- The Turtles, Happy Together
Whew! Where to start? Where to start?
The two biggest things that have happened recently are my legal name change and my wedding. I should probably separate them in to two posts, so for now I'll stick to the wedding. =)
I posted regarding our engagement back in February, and a short post on our wedding day last week. Honestly I'm a bit surprised that's all I've posted, because a lot of my life over the past few months has been doing various planning and preparation for the wedding.
We held both the ceremony and reception at Erin's mom's last Friday, and they were both awesome.
Friday morning, after doing the final prep-work, including our hair/makeup/clothes, we met our photographer (my uncle) at Murray Park for some photos. Then we headed back to the venue and started greeting family and friends as they arrived. The ceremony was performed by our friend Eric, who did an amazing job, and I bawled through the entire thing.
After the ceremony, we took a few pics with family and friends, followed by a hilariously corny toast by our friend George:
From there, Erin and I got tipsy and wandered around the house/yard, talking to various guests as they arrived for the reception party. At some point during the night we also managed to shove cake in each other's faces, and threw one of our two bouquets. For a guest book, we made 4x6 cards for everyone to write some advice on, and ended up filling half a photo album with them.
Almost everyone from both of our immediate families attended the ceremony, including my parents, grandpa, three of my four sisters, my brother, Erin's parents, grandma, sister, and brothers. I know at least a few of these people were still unsure on the idea of such a queer wedding, and some of them hadn't even seen me since transition, so it meant a lot to us that they came and supported us anyway.
All in all it was exactly what we wanted: laid back, fun, simple, but still romantic and memorable. It was also a blast having our friends and families mingling, and there were many times during the night when I'd pull a common interest out of the air just to get two random friends chatting. It's fascinating to step back and watch two people I've known for years become friends. My friend Kyle described the whole event as "floating in a sea of happy", and I couldn't agree more. It was without a doubt the best day of my life, from start to finish.
On Saturday, we relaxed and hung out with Erin's brother who was in town from California for the wedding. And on Sunday, we drove out to Wendover (a nearby town just over the Nevada border), had dinner with my mom/stepdad, played Blackjack/slots together, and spent the night in a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub.
We're meeting up with my uncle this Saturday to get the rest of the photos and help him out with his school project on diversity; so hopefully I'll post some more pics in a few days. =)
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be,
The only one for me is you, and you for me,
So happy together."
-- The Turtles, Happy Together
Whew! Where to start? Where to start?
The two biggest things that have happened recently are my legal name change and my wedding. I should probably separate them in to two posts, so for now I'll stick to the wedding. =)
I posted regarding our engagement back in February, and a short post on our wedding day last week. Honestly I'm a bit surprised that's all I've posted, because a lot of my life over the past few months has been doing various planning and preparation for the wedding.
We held both the ceremony and reception at Erin's mom's last Friday, and they were both awesome.
Friday morning, after doing the final prep-work, including our hair/makeup/clothes, we met our photographer (my uncle) at Murray Park for some photos. Then we headed back to the venue and started greeting family and friends as they arrived. The ceremony was performed by our friend Eric, who did an amazing job, and I bawled through the entire thing.
After the ceremony, we took a few pics with family and friends, followed by a hilariously corny toast by our friend George:
From there, Erin and I got tipsy and wandered around the house/yard, talking to various guests as they arrived for the reception party. At some point during the night we also managed to shove cake in each other's faces, and threw one of our two bouquets. For a guest book, we made 4x6 cards for everyone to write some advice on, and ended up filling half a photo album with them.
Almost everyone from both of our immediate families attended the ceremony, including my parents, grandpa, three of my four sisters, my brother, Erin's parents, grandma, sister, and brothers. I know at least a few of these people were still unsure on the idea of such a queer wedding, and some of them hadn't even seen me since transition, so it meant a lot to us that they came and supported us anyway.
All in all it was exactly what we wanted: laid back, fun, simple, but still romantic and memorable. It was also a blast having our friends and families mingling, and there were many times during the night when I'd pull a common interest out of the air just to get two random friends chatting. It's fascinating to step back and watch two people I've known for years become friends. My friend Kyle described the whole event as "floating in a sea of happy", and I couldn't agree more. It was without a doubt the best day of my life, from start to finish.
On Saturday, we relaxed and hung out with Erin's brother who was in town from California for the wedding. And on Sunday, we drove out to Wendover (a nearby town just over the Nevada border), had dinner with my mom/stepdad, played Blackjack/slots together, and spent the night in a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub.
We're meeting up with my uncle this Saturday to get the rest of the photos and help him out with his school project on diversity; so hopefully I'll post some more pics in a few days. =)
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wedding Day!
"Now we're together nearly every single day, singin'
Doo-wah-diddy diddy-dum diddy-do;
We're so happy and that's how we're gonna stay, singin'
Doo-wah-diddy diddy-dum diddy-do;
I'm hers (I'm hers), she's mine (she's mine),
Wedding bells are gonna chime"
Short post! I have a ton that I've been meaning to update on, but for now, I just wanted to say that it's my wedding day! Hooray!
At first, we were thinking about just having a simple ceremony at the courthouse. Then we decided that we should do that, but move it outside. Next we moved the venue to Erin's mom's house, to go back to simple. And then we thought, "If we're having it at Erin's mom's, we might as well invite more people.", and it has kept on building.
Fortunately we've still managed to keep it fairly simple, as weddings go, and the toughest part has been trying to let go of other peoples' expectations and pressures. We just don't care as much about the stupid little details as we do about being surrounded by friends and family, and I'm pretty sure we've managed that.
Since Erin and I have been (living) together for almost five years, this really isn't going to change much for us, so I'm more nervous about something going wrong than I am about actually marrying her. I need to just take a deep breath, focus on my wonderful bride and the people around us, and let that which does not matter truly slide. =)
-- Rick Springfield, Doo Wah Diddy Diddy
At first, we were thinking about just having a simple ceremony at the courthouse. Then we decided that we should do that, but move it outside. Next we moved the venue to Erin's mom's house, to go back to simple. And then we thought, "If we're having it at Erin's mom's, we might as well invite more people.", and it has kept on building.
Fortunately we've still managed to keep it fairly simple, as weddings go, and the toughest part has been trying to let go of other peoples' expectations and pressures. We just don't care as much about the stupid little details as we do about being surrounded by friends and family, and I'm pretty sure we've managed that.
Since Erin and I have been (living) together for almost five years, this really isn't going to change much for us, so I'm more nervous about something going wrong than I am about actually marrying her. I need to just take a deep breath, focus on my wonderful bride and the people around us, and let that which does not matter truly slide. =)
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